Returning Home Within

 This morning the trees were swaying in the strong wind, clouds moving fast, and birds rushing for shelter  like the world was on fastforward. I realized my thoughts are the same when I’m stressed or pushed out of my comfort zone. Maybe that’s why people say we don’t control thoughts, they just move through us like creation always growing and flowing.

After noticing this, I suddenly felt a state with no thoughts. Not exactly thoughtless, but just being there … aware of everything around me, watching, without the usual noise of “I should do this, I should do that.” It was so different from how my mind usually feels every day.

I also noticed the pattern I built within me  always trying to fix, solve, move, listen, push, or do something for myself or for others. The moment I felt I didn’t have to do anything, it was different. I’ve had glimpses of this before, but this time it touched deeper. I think the reason I’ve been restless to keep doing is because deep down I felt “just being me” was not enough that I had to prove something or give more. But now I see, I have to shed what I don’t need to carry or do. And that’s an interesting realization.

This feeling of not needing to do extra, not needing to achieve more or gain “points,” gave me a sense of freedom. I don’t even want to call it enlightenment, but if that word means “a nice place to be,” then maybe I can call this an enlightening moment. Or perhaps something new  it felt like returning home, like coming back to my own homeland within.